Twee Funds Terrorism

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

FAQ: How to Deal with 2Pac Fans

I wasn't going to do this post because of Pimp C's death, but I'm restless and I'm not updating as much as I'd like to. So the following is a list of popular responses to any criticism, informed or biased, against Malcolm X Christ Jr., Tupac Amaru Shakur, as well as some admittedly antagonistic retorts.

The following is all based upon actual experiences on Allhiphop.com threads:

1."You just a Biggie fan"
Since when did Biggie and Pac become the only rappers in history? I seem to have not gotten that notice that only the rappers agreed upon by the Source, XXL, Jay-Z and Nas are to be given eligibility to be considered the best.

I'm a fan of good music in general. So in that sense, yeah, I like Biggie. But only because Biggie is better than 2Pac. Bun B is also greater than 2Pac, but your obsession with maintaining the status quo and believing whatever is parroted to you won't let you even consider that notion. If your top 5 consists of "2Pac, Jay, Nas, Eminem, and Biggie", then you're clearly either 13, a girl, or aren't that into music or hip-hop. Have fun on the allhiphop.com message boards.

Also, why isn't it possible to both enjoy and know the faults and limitations of the artist? I do have about 15-16 2Pac songs on my iTunes that I legitimately like (a few more for the beat than anything...). And its a shame and really insulting to automatically assume someone "doesn't get it" or "likes ringtone rap" and blame "young kids" if they don't think your masturbation material and fake-leader and role model is God himself. I mentor at schools and believe me, Junior High kids are just as brainwashed as you.

2."You a hater"
Because I disagree with you, or because I criticized something? So criticizing something automatically makes you a "hater"? I'm glad to see McCarthyism is still in full force.

Last time I checked, "hating" was shitting on someone or something successful out of jealousy and with no real justification. Hating is not having a reasonable argument and defending it objectively. By this logic, any form of dissent is "hating". Oh, wait, I guess its only hating if it differs with popular opinion. If I derided Soulja Boy for sucking, I wouldn't hear a peep from you, so clearly your beef is that you have a personal attachment to someone you don't know and haven't ever met that you happen to like. And speaking of Soulja Boy, to accuse someone of hateration, wouldn't you yourself have to enjoy everything and never have any qualms? That would make you naive and uninformed. And if you do dislike things like, say, Plies, then you're a hypocrite. Save calling people "haters" for hoodrats and teenagers. They might be more impressed.

3."How old are you? You weren't old enough to get Pac and how important he was."
I'd like to know how that matters. How exactly is that relevant? I wasn't around in the 70's but I know which bands sucked. Because there are these things called albums that you can listen to. And if you have well trained ears or a keen awareness, you can ascertain and feel the time period just as well as those who were around at the time. When I listen to Busta Rhymes' "Everything Remains Raw", I can feel Manhattan in the early 90's cats decked out in Hilfiger and getting drunk. Whether or not someone was around to "feel" 2Pac is irrelevant, though I was, because there's more than enough archival footage and music to make an informed judgment. You can even check out articles and TV and other media of the time to gauge popularity and effect.

Plus, this a complete bullshit cop out by biased fans who can't defend their own opinions through reason and prefer to condescend and intimidate. This makes you a fucking asshole.

4."He was a real dude"
A.He was a straight thug
And it got him killed. Big achievement. Notice how many people fail or die for that behavior? T.I. and his army guns ring a bell?You didn't know him personally, so I doubt you can attest or prove this. And people who can may be biased, so this is anecdotal, at best. Also, what the fuck does that have to do with the quality of his records?

B.He was like Malcolm X
In terms of execution style, maybe. And Elliot Smith is like Kurt Cobain.

It's fucked up and insulting to even imply that. Pac was political sometimes, great. Most people are in the real world. He wasn't saying anything that hadn't been said before. And also, like most rappers and musicians, his politics weren't anything to care about. Muddled, contradictory, hollow, sloganeering. Even actual political leaders are myopic and lack nuanced and wrong a lot of the time. Yeah, I agree with a lot of shit he said, but being political isn't a positive or negative trait, it's just a fucking trait. Pac couldn't wash Malcolm X's 50lb balls.

C.He's touched me and millions more
That's your problem. First, you can't be trusted to be objective. You tearing up during "Ambitionz Az A Ridah" pretty much cinches that. Second, that doesn't mean something is good. See, if I said that I had a complete spiritual awakening white listening to Lil' Boosie, that doesn't mean shit. That's more of a sad declaration than a cosigning of the greatness of "Wipe Me Down". And also, let's stop pretending Pac being a pretty boy and good actor doesn't influence all of this. Don't be ignorant of image, its effect, and how rare it is for people to listen to music without harping on the artist or their personal lives. If Pac looked like Hell Rell, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Also, you know who else has touched the hearts of millions and was beloved? Hitler. Congratulations 2Pac fans, you inspired what shall now be known as the "Hitler Argument".

Get your mind right.

D.Dude sold 50 million records and is known worldwide.
When you develop some taste through listening to a lot of records and aging/maturing a bit, you realize that things that sell more than double platinum probably suck. There are rare exceptions, but people are, on the whole, kind of dumb, and though Michael Jackson made a lot of quality records, celebrating things that are best-sellers and equating that somehow with quality is something people who don't actually like music do. Hey, the Eagles "greatest Hits" is the best selling record of all time, but it fucking sucks, too.

Also, see: Hitler, Adolf.

5."He did 'Brenda's Got a Baby' and 'Keep Your Head Up' and blah blah blah, and as a woman...
As a woman, you're retarded. I kid. But, no, really. You're the type of chick that thinks "the DL" is real. But, hey, I do love those songs. Well, "Brenda's Got a Baby" has a shitty beat, but "Keep Your Head Up" is my jam. But its a weak point to harp on a few of his songs that have a functional message, in comparison to the trying-too-hard sloganeering of his first two records or the completely redundant and done to death shitty lyricism and single-minded rapper cliches on his later records. If someone say, released 5 or 6 crappy, filler-laden, poorly-produced albums and then hundreds more posthumously, and the majority of the songs were wack, would the artist be exempt and considered "best" regardless of their failures? Apparently. I guess a few classic anthems outweighs tons of shit.

Oh, and Hitler was a vegetarian and loved animals. Which means a lot to me as an environmentalist, therefore he's the best leader evar.

6."Whatever white boy"
I can't even acknowledge this. It should go without saying what is dumb and fucked up about this cop-out. Just some advice: White rap fans, tread lightly when discussing rap canon, and be prepared for some ig'nant shit.

7. "Who do you like, then?"
Doesn't matter. If my favorite movie is "Rat Race" and I only listen to ringtone rap and metalcore, I'm still better than you if I have the perspective to know and acknowledge that they suck. That's kind of the key here. It's not what you like, it's what you think is good.

8. "All his records are classics!"
Well, to you. Very few artists have flawless catalogs, and even the best ever have only 3 good records or so. In rap, the best catalogs are Ghostface, Jay-Z, UGK, Boogie Down Productions, the Beastie Boys, Dr. Dre (counting NWA), Ice Cube, Busdriver, Outkast, the Roots, A Tribe Called Quest, and Kanye West, in terms of consistency of product and number of good albums. Pac's records all had shitty production, except his singles and the odd Easy Mo Bee produced track ("Temptations" rules.)And some of those tracks with ill beats, like "Amitionz Az A Ridah" are completely trash lyrically. The guy got bodied by Dr. Dre's ghostwriters on "California Love". To not act like his delivery is what's great and covers up his uninspired bullshit rhymes just keeping your head in the sand. And to make a statement like "all his records are classics" you must really not listen to a lot of rap. There was this thing called Ready To Die. And another called Only Built 4 Cuban Linx, as well as Illmatic, Black on Both Sides, Ironman, Supreme Clientele, Liquid Swords, Enter the 36 Chambers, Return of the Boom Bap, Ridin Dirty, Paid In Full, Muddy Waters, etc.

Good move on Pac's part not to have Dr. Dre produce all of his songs. Shit, he probably could've gotten RZA, if he was really "trying to sign Wu-Tang to his label imprint". Dude clearly couldn't choose beats. But we forgive Nas because Nas is a great rapper and made a classic album. Now excuse me as I re-watch "Nothing But Trouble".

9. "That's just your opinion!"
No shit. That's why its called an opinion. Whenever someone says anything, its generally implied as "opinion". And just because its unpopular or not seen as in line with canon, doesn't make it any less right. Majority opinions elect American Idols. Minority opinions tend to shape things like the Bill of Rights. Get familiar, b.

10. "It's fucked up to disrespect the dead"
It's a lot more fucked up to lie and mythologize events and people. You're doing everyone a disservice. While we're at it, let's just say that everyone who ever lived was just great. Everyone and everything is awesome. Always.

Misinformation creates ignorance. And ignorance breeds 2Pac fans. See, it's one big cycle, like a snake eating itself. And also, do Afeni Shakur and the Source magazine pay your light bill? No? Then shut the fuck up. Why lobby for something that's immaterial and doesn't affect you?

11. "Fuck is you?"
Fuck I look like?

You know, fighting to maintain other people's opinions and prevent ideas from being challenged or reevaluated is a sickness. It seems to be systemic to the degree that even rappers have to always put themselves as lesser than Pac, though I doubt the 6 million cats (and that's just in Harlem) that spit ALL think Pac is the best, for the sake of politics and not stirring fan ire, they gotta buck down.

I loved "Tupac Resurrection" and I'm bummed the guy is dead as well as BIG, Big Pun, Big L, Pimp C, ODB, Jam Master Jay, etc. I wish all those guys were still alive. And everyone is more aware of his "impact", though mostly negative, and being an icon and etc. But, come on. It seems like saying Pac is overrated could be the only thing that would get Bush impeached. The fact that you could get mobbed for even bothering to criticize him or not place him as the best rapper ever (LOL at that notion) is a sign that this whole thing needs to stop and people need to actually discuss and analyze these things more. And since things have lightened up a little in the last 11 years, it's a great time to do that. In no way would this detract from his status as the John Lennon of rap or take money out of Afeni Shakur's pocket (Bless her heart, but what the fuck is she doing allowing the release of these awful postmortem records still?)

What's really that insulting for saying "he's good but very overrated"?

AV Club: R.I.P 2Pac, the most overrated rapper in history

Somone Had to Say It

Also, they stole that album name from Mr. Bungle
Via SuicideGirls NewsWire:

I'm sure most of you are familiar with Showtime's hit series "Californication," whether it's from SG's own involvement with the show and character DaniCA, or recent interview with series creator, Tom Kapinos.

Today it was announced that the Red Hot Chili Peppers are now suing the show for "unfair competition, dilution of the value of the name and unjust enrichment," claiming the title of the show was stolen from the band's 1999 album, of the same name.

Sounds like a pretty open and shut case. I'm fairly certain the word "Californication" preceded the band's album. But, if it didn't... if the show actually "stole" this word... this word that's been around for decades... and they can somehow destroy all memory of the word, prior to their album... then I guess they should win their case.

Oh, except for this crucial piece of evidence. The Red Hot Chili Peppers fucking suck. How about that part?

Can that be entered into a case? Maybe one of the lawyers on this site can enlighten me. How does the fact that they fucking suck, and always have sucked, affect their case here? Surely, years and years of sucking limits your ability to take legal action, in certain situations.

Yeah. No, thanks Chili Peppers -- we don't need to hear from you on this matter. I'm not 13 anymore. (Actual 13-year-olds think you're lame and creepy, and old.) You can go away now, fade into the distance, putting increasingly longer socks over yer increasingly elongated old man balls, before vanishing entirely. (That was ALWAYS funny by the way. Putting a sock over your dick. So alternative!)

I'm not 13, and have no need of your bullshit, faux-ternative garbage.

I don't hate my parents and I'm not looking to establish myself on the burgeoning Vernon, NJ skater/alterna-scene.

I'm not an attention starved snowboarder with a bad haircut inclined to "act crazy" whenever anyone's looking.

I'm not a filthy, drum-circle loving hippie.

I don't own a pair of devil sticks, nor do I ever feel the need to put on a large, felt, jester's hat.

I'm not wearing a dirty white dress, with my head down, dancing in a quasi-trancelike state while rhythmically tapping my stomach and side.

I don't hate my ears and wish to punish them by cramming yer fucking old-man racket into them.

It's not 1991.

You served your purpose, I laughed at the kids who embraced you the year after they loved reggae and the year before they got into metal.

Jocks who jumped on the alterna-wagon sure seemed to love you, too, I remember that much. Your fake hippie punk sure did help them relate better to losing the big game and then shaving lines into the sides of their heads.

You managed to get worse the older I got, and you don't fool too many people these days. You make music for kids... kids who no longer exist.

Sure, I bet there's a 38-year-old on this site who still enjoys putting on his copy of Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magik, right before he dons his martini-glass covered bowling shirt and says something like, "Vegas, Baby!" But, obviously, he doesn't count.

Maybe the show stole the title. Big deal. You force me to change the radio station at least once a day, every day. I'm all grown up now, and you can't fool people anymore.

If that judge is anything short of tone-deaf you'll be found guilty of sucking in the first degree. Sadly, the sentence for that is probably a Grammy.

To be fair, they do have some good songs. I vouch for half of Californication and half of BloodSugarSexMagik. But still, spot-fucking-on.