FAQ: How to Deal with 2Pac Fans

I wasn't going to do this post because of Pimp C's death, but I'm restless and I'm not updating as much as I'd like to. So the following is a list of popular responses to any criticism, informed or biased, against Malcolm X Christ Jr., Tupac Amaru Shakur, as well as some admittedly antagonistic retorts.

The following is all based upon actual experiences on Allhiphop.com threads:

1."You just a Biggie fan"
Since when did Biggie and Pac become the only rappers in history? I seem to have not gotten that notice that only the rappers agreed upon by the Source, XXL, Jay-Z and Nas are to be given eligibility to be considered the best.

I'm a fan of good music in general. So in that sense, yeah, I like Biggie. But only because Biggie is better than 2Pac. Bun B is also greater than 2Pac, but your obsession with maintaining the status quo and believing whatever is parroted to you won't let you even consider that notion. If your top 5 consists of "2Pac, Jay, Nas, Eminem, and Biggie", then you're clearly either 13, a girl, or aren't that into music or hip-hop. Have fun on the allhiphop.com message boards.

Also, why isn't it possible to both enjoy and know the faults and limitations of the artist? I do have about 15-16 2Pac songs on my iTunes that I legitimately like (a few more for the beat than anything...). And its a shame and really insulting to automatically assume someone "doesn't get it" or "likes ringtone rap" and blame "young kids" if they don't think your masturbation material and fake-leader and role model is God himself. I mentor at schools and believe me, Junior High kids are just as brainwashed as you.

2."You a hater"
Because I disagree with you, or because I criticized something? So criticizing something automatically makes you a "hater"? I'm glad to see McCarthyism is still in full force.

Last time I checked, "hating" was shitting on someone or something successful out of jealousy and with no real justification. Hating is not having a reasonable argument and defending it objectively. By this logic, any form of dissent is "hating". Oh, wait, I guess its only hating if it differs with popular opinion. If I derided Soulja Boy for sucking, I wouldn't hear a peep from you, so clearly your beef is that you have a personal attachment to someone you don't know and haven't ever met that you happen to like. And speaking of Soulja Boy, to accuse someone of hateration, wouldn't you yourself have to enjoy everything and never have any qualms? That would make you naive and uninformed. And if you do dislike things like, say, Plies, then you're a hypocrite. Save calling people "haters" for hoodrats and teenagers. They might be more impressed.

3."How old are you? You weren't old enough to get Pac and how important he was."
I'd like to know how that matters. How exactly is that relevant? I wasn't around in the 70's but I know which bands sucked. Because there are these things called albums that you can listen to. And if you have well trained ears or a keen awareness, you can ascertain and feel the time period just as well as those who were around at the time. When I listen to Busta Rhymes' "Everything Remains Raw", I can feel Manhattan in the early 90's cats decked out in Hilfiger and getting drunk. Whether or not someone was around to "feel" 2Pac is irrelevant, though I was, because there's more than enough archival footage and music to make an informed judgment. You can even check out articles and TV and other media of the time to gauge popularity and effect.

Plus, this a complete bullshit cop out by biased fans who can't defend their own opinions through reason and prefer to condescend and intimidate. This makes you a fucking asshole.

4."He was a real dude"
A.He was a straight thug
And it got him killed. Big achievement. Notice how many people fail or die for that behavior? T.I. and his army guns ring a bell?You didn't know him personally, so I doubt you can attest or prove this. And people who can may be biased, so this is anecdotal, at best. Also, what the fuck does that have to do with the quality of his records?

B.He was like Malcolm X
In terms of execution style, maybe. And Elliot Smith is like Kurt Cobain.

It's fucked up and insulting to even imply that. Pac was political sometimes, great. Most people are in the real world. He wasn't saying anything that hadn't been said before. And also, like most rappers and musicians, his politics weren't anything to care about. Muddled, contradictory, hollow, sloganeering. Even actual political leaders are myopic and lack nuanced and wrong a lot of the time. Yeah, I agree with a lot of shit he said, but being political isn't a positive or negative trait, it's just a fucking trait. Pac couldn't wash Malcolm X's 50lb balls.

C.He's touched me and millions more
That's your problem. First, you can't be trusted to be objective. You tearing up during "Ambitionz Az A Ridah" pretty much cinches that. Second, that doesn't mean something is good. See, if I said that I had a complete spiritual awakening white listening to Lil' Boosie, that doesn't mean shit. That's more of a sad declaration than a cosigning of the greatness of "Wipe Me Down". And also, let's stop pretending Pac being a pretty boy and good actor doesn't influence all of this. Don't be ignorant of image, its effect, and how rare it is for people to listen to music without harping on the artist or their personal lives. If Pac looked like Hell Rell, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Also, you know who else has touched the hearts of millions and was beloved? Hitler. Congratulations 2Pac fans, you inspired what shall now be known as the "Hitler Argument".

Get your mind right.

D.Dude sold 50 million records and is known worldwide.
When you develop some taste through listening to a lot of records and aging/maturing a bit, you realize that things that sell more than double platinum probably suck. There are rare exceptions, but people are, on the whole, kind of dumb, and though Michael Jackson made a lot of quality records, celebrating things that are best-sellers and equating that somehow with quality is something people who don't actually like music do. Hey, the Eagles "greatest Hits" is the best selling record of all time, but it fucking sucks, too.

Also, see: Hitler, Adolf.

5."He did 'Brenda's Got a Baby' and 'Keep Your Head Up' and blah blah blah, and as a woman...
As a woman, you're retarded. I kid. But, no, really. You're the type of chick that thinks "the DL" is real. But, hey, I do love those songs. Well, "Brenda's Got a Baby" has a shitty beat, but "Keep Your Head Up" is my jam. But its a weak point to harp on a few of his songs that have a functional message, in comparison to the trying-too-hard sloganeering of his first two records or the completely redundant and done to death shitty lyricism and single-minded rapper cliches on his later records. If someone say, released 5 or 6 crappy, filler-laden, poorly-produced albums and then hundreds more posthumously, and the majority of the songs were wack, would the artist be exempt and considered "best" regardless of their failures? Apparently. I guess a few classic anthems outweighs tons of shit.

Oh, and Hitler was a vegetarian and loved animals. Which means a lot to me as an environmentalist, therefore he's the best leader evar.

6."Whatever white boy"
I can't even acknowledge this. It should go without saying what is dumb and fucked up about this cop-out. Just some advice: White rap fans, tread lightly when discussing rap canon, and be prepared for some ig'nant shit.

7. "Who do you like, then?"
Doesn't matter. If my favorite movie is "Rat Race" and I only listen to ringtone rap and metalcore, I'm still better than you if I have the perspective to know and acknowledge that they suck. That's kind of the key here. It's not what you like, it's what you think is good.

8. "All his records are classics!"
Well, to you. Very few artists have flawless catalogs, and even the best ever have only 3 good records or so. In rap, the best catalogs are Ghostface, Jay-Z, UGK, Boogie Down Productions, the Beastie Boys, Dr. Dre (counting NWA), Ice Cube, Busdriver, Outkast, the Roots, A Tribe Called Quest, and Kanye West, in terms of consistency of product and number of good albums. Pac's records all had shitty production, except his singles and the odd Easy Mo Bee produced track ("Temptations" rules.)And some of those tracks with ill beats, like "Amitionz Az A Ridah" are completely trash lyrically. The guy got bodied by Dr. Dre's ghostwriters on "California Love". To not act like his delivery is what's great and covers up his uninspired bullshit rhymes just keeping your head in the sand. And to make a statement like "all his records are classics" you must really not listen to a lot of rap. There was this thing called Ready To Die. And another called Only Built 4 Cuban Linx, as well as Illmatic, Black on Both Sides, Ironman, Supreme Clientele, Liquid Swords, Enter the 36 Chambers, Return of the Boom Bap, Ridin Dirty, Paid In Full, Muddy Waters, etc.

Good move on Pac's part not to have Dr. Dre produce all of his songs. Shit, he probably could've gotten RZA, if he was really "trying to sign Wu-Tang to his label imprint". Dude clearly couldn't choose beats. But we forgive Nas because Nas is a great rapper and made a classic album. Now excuse me as I re-watch "Nothing But Trouble".

9. "That's just your opinion!"
No shit. That's why its called an opinion. Whenever someone says anything, its generally implied as "opinion". And just because its unpopular or not seen as in line with canon, doesn't make it any less right. Majority opinions elect American Idols. Minority opinions tend to shape things like the Bill of Rights. Get familiar, b.

10. "It's fucked up to disrespect the dead"
It's a lot more fucked up to lie and mythologize events and people. You're doing everyone a disservice. While we're at it, let's just say that everyone who ever lived was just great. Everyone and everything is awesome. Always.

Misinformation creates ignorance. And ignorance breeds 2Pac fans. See, it's one big cycle, like a snake eating itself. And also, do Afeni Shakur and the Source magazine pay your light bill? No? Then shut the fuck up. Why lobby for something that's immaterial and doesn't affect you?

11. "Fuck is you?"
Fuck I look like?

You know, fighting to maintain other people's opinions and prevent ideas from being challenged or reevaluated is a sickness. It seems to be systemic to the degree that even rappers have to always put themselves as lesser than Pac, though I doubt the 6 million cats (and that's just in Harlem) that spit ALL think Pac is the best, for the sake of politics and not stirring fan ire, they gotta buck down.

I loved "Tupac Resurrection" and I'm bummed the guy is dead as well as BIG, Big Pun, Big L, Pimp C, ODB, Jam Master Jay, etc. I wish all those guys were still alive. And everyone is more aware of his "impact", though mostly negative, and being an icon and etc. But, come on. It seems like saying Pac is overrated could be the only thing that would get Bush impeached. The fact that you could get mobbed for even bothering to criticize him or not place him as the best rapper ever (LOL at that notion) is a sign that this whole thing needs to stop and people need to actually discuss and analyze these things more. And since things have lightened up a little in the last 11 years, it's a great time to do that. In no way would this detract from his status as the John Lennon of rap or take money out of Afeni Shakur's pocket (Bless her heart, but what the fuck is she doing allowing the release of these awful postmortem records still?)

What's really that insulting for saying "he's good but very overrated"?

AV Club: R.I.P 2Pac, the most overrated rapper in history

Damn, Homie

RIP Pimp C

UGK rapper Pimp C was found dead this morning (Dec. 4) in his room at the Mondrian Hotel on Los Angeles' Sunset Strip. He was 33. Police found the rapper, whose real name was Chad Butler, dead in his bed after responding to a 911 call.

UGK's publicist at Jive Records confirmed Pimp C's death to Billboard.com. "He was truly a thoughtful and kind-hearted person," Jive president/CEO Barry Weiss says. "He will be remembered for his talent and profound influence as a pioneer in bringing Southern rap to the forefront. He will be missed and our prayers remain with his family."

In August, UGK released "Underground Kingz," its first studio album in five years. The set, which spawned the popular single "Intl' Players Anthem" featuring OutKast, debuted at No. 1 on The Billboard 200, a first for the group.

UGK, which also features rapper Bun B, was derailed in 2002 when Pimp C was sentenced to eight years in prison on an assault charge. He was released on Dec. 30, 2005, at which point he quickly began working on new music.

His 2006 solo album, "Pimpalation" reached No. 3 on The Billboard 200. But it was understood that his stint in jail affected the artist's mental and physical health dramatically, to the point where he was unable to promote "Underground Kingz" in a meaningful way.

Pimp C had performed in Los Angeles Saturday night with labelmate Too Short.

I was in class an hour ago dealing with a mix of boredom and annoyance as everyone else in my "Intro to Global Black Studies" class (That I'm re-taking to clear the F I got two years ago after deciding to stop waking up at 10am for class), and my right eye's peripheral caught a big picture of Pimp C from my friend computer and "Oh No They Didn't" were reporting his death, and as a UGK fan and fan of good southern rap, I'm fucking bummed. I had to put up a memorial or mention this, so now I'm in the library, before I hit up my internship and go home to relax, doing this quick update.

Seriously, dude's fortunes just started turning around and he's dead at 33. Now, clearly it's not going to be surprising why he died (either the drugs, syrup, or his weight gain), but it's quite a fucking blow. No more UGK, plus that upcoming Bun B solo record is going to have extra meaning now.

Bun B: I just got a call about a few hours ago that we got a Grammy nomination. Me and my VP from Jive [Records] were talking about this, because we been on this label for 15 years. We've known these people longer than we've known a lot of people in our lives. And he can always remember Pimp telling him, "We going to the Grammys," and them looking at this little kid from Port Arthur like he's crazy: "He may make some good music and sell a few records, but what they do? That kind of stuff doesn't go to the Grammys." And 15 years later, a song I told him we shouldn't do and he was adamant about it — and he got his Grammy nomination just like he always wanted. I'm so happy for him. I'm so proud of him. Because he did it exactly like he wanted to do it: on his terms. We had a nomination before with Jay-Z — and we were very blessed and honored for that. But that was Jay featuring us — this one was us. Not taking anything away from Outkast, because that definitely comes into play. But at the same time, us putting Outkast on the record was his vision — seeing things a little further — and God putting together a plan for us. [He pauses.] I'm really happy for him. I know he just popped a bottle! Because in all honestly, this is what he wanted [to win a Grammy]. He's gonna put a Grammy on his mama's shelf. He's gonna put a Grammy on his mama's shelf, man.

That quote is from the just released Bun B interview with MTV, and I teared up while reading it, so I had to post it. Its really touching and bittersweet. Condolences to the Chad Butler family as well as Bun B. Gotdamn.

Great Status Ain't Hood Post
B-Berg with the Baking Soder
Interview with Bun B

RIP UGK

I Need A Personal Jesus (I'm In Depeche Mode)*

I can't ever really talk about rap without discussing Jay-Z. Along with formative years listening to Hot 97 and watching Video Music Box and MTV Jams with Bill Bellamy (I feel fucking old), basically every moment of my life from 1997-2002 was musically dominated by the guy. My first exposure was seeing "Who You Wit II", then "Sunshine" on the Box and hearing the rest of the record blared from cars on my block back before noise ordinances snuffed that sort of thing out. From then on, dude was basically my favorite rapper, but this was before I got really educated and critical about rap, and this is back before I was buying rap records at all. It's only since 2004 that I've been adding some classic records to my collection, wedged between Clinic's Walking With Thee and three AFI albums.

I remember in 9th grade being given my mom's boyfriend's copy of In My Lifetime Vol. 1 because I kept borrowing it (and around the same time my aunt telling me she was going to give me her copy of Hard Knock Life but there was too much cursing and etc. Feh. I guess she meant well, in a clueless way). I soaked up every piece of that album, and to this day it's one of five Jay records I'd say are good (that and The Black Album, Hard Knock Life Vol. 2, Reasonable Doubt, and The Blueprint). Even after mistakenly buying Roc La familia only to realize it was an over-produced shit sandwich with only 4 or 5 good songs, I was still a fan. But between 2001 and 2003, I got into a lot of other rappers beyond the mainstream NY stuff that was so huge most of my life. Between then and 11th grade I developed some degree of a critical ear and started paying more attention to what made something great or not and my own changing tastes and listening to difficult or dense albums and finding them more rewarding, etc.

It seemed he could do no wrong, and I remember the battle with Nas and, me having been exposed to Nas during It Was Written and being unaware that Illmatic even existed, went "Who the fuck is Mr. 'You Owe Me' to get at Jay? What the fuck is Stillmatic?" Granted, after buying Illmatic around 2004 after I saw the video for "It Ain't Hard to Tell", and finally hearing "Ether", my view changed a little. But I still maintain Nas is kind of a bum with no vision or talent left and his fans are some of the most clueless assholes, next to 2Pac fans or people who praise Common for being "different". Despite being a homophobic racist with gayface, awful rhymes, a labored and annoyingly self-righteous flow, and one half-decent album.

But the guy fell off substantially, and everyone felt it, when he released Blueprint 2. He now says he made The Black Album because he was just putting out record to put out records, and it showed. I remember being aghast at seeing him on stage with Lenny Kravitz during SNL and doing "Guns and Roses", his shitty attempt at a rap/rock song for some crossover appeal and edge, and to display that, you know, he enjoys Coldplay and Lenny Kravitz. Remember his MTV Diary from 2000 when he was singing along to Z100 as it played Nine Days' "Story of a Girl"? Yeah. That's Jay's taste in music outside of rap. I wish I could say that wasn't the norm with most rappers (Ghostface once sang "Numb" to Mike Shinoda during the Projekt Revolution MTV2 tour special. Motherfucking "Numb".) So, with my weird sixth sense about these sorts of things in the ether (lolz), I knew the record was going to brick. I remember being in Bravo supermarkets buying something for my mom and thinking "Man...Jay finally fell off" as "Excuse me Miss" was playing. (Good song, but still)

The final straws, despite having casual enough interest to buy and be slightly disappointed by The Black Album, despite being very good, were "La La La", his shittastic contribution to the Bad Boys II soundtrack, and that goddamned corporate sponsored mash-up album with Linkin Park.

Let me get this out there right now: Mash-ups suck. It sucks when Girltalk does it, it sucked when it was a Limewire internet fad, and it sucked when MTV tried to salvage some degree of cool and cherry pick a bullshit trend to promote. Mash-ups are lazy and only cool to people who love pop radio and think it'd be "So totally random to mix Maroon 5 with 50 Cent". I don't believe in judging a person by their interest, because that's shallow and transgressive, but when I see people who own or bring up that CD, I make a mental note to not feel any empathy when tragedy befalls them.

"You got robbed and your girlfriend of two years that you just reconciled with was sodomized in front of you to the song "Numb/Encore"? That's too bad...maybe they were after that Collision Course CD? To think, had you never bought it, you'd have your stuff, and your girlfriend wouldn't be able to fit an Xbox in what used to be her ass"

So despite numerous interviews and persistent rumors and him being on stage with fucking Phish, I thought "Nah, he's not coming back, he's smarter than that".

Then, in a roundtable discussion in 2005 for MTV, where I learned to hate David Banner for being a homophobic Baptist idiot with no perspective or insight to go with his years of college education, Remy Ma said something along the lines of "Nah, that's garbage. He's a rapper, and he feels the same passions he always felt. And he's not gonn a be able to stay away"*

*Badly paraphrased from memory.

At the time I dismissed that pretty accurate appraisal of the situation, because it seemed like a lot of people there were just hating. Jim Jones, who was the only reason I watched the special at the time because I was obsessed with the Dips and all their singles that year, spent his time shitting on Jay's (very real) inability to be a good president at Def Jam. But she was right. And the effect his absence caused was fascinating. By 2006, there were constant rumors of a comeback, he was doing guest verses for Beyonce and Memphis "Cappadonna Jr." Bleek, and a shit storm arrived when word of Kingdom Come got leaked by the record's producers in the summer. The response was hilarious, as just about every rapper, and myself, went "Fuck that nigga", after hearing about the concept. And surprise, the record was an epic shit sandwich of Roc La Familia proportions in a 2006 full of great albums (as opposed to 2007, which is the worst year for music I can remember living through).

I, after being so underwhelmed lyrically by "Show Me What You Got", decided to pirate that over-produced abortion, and in the process of me listening to it and hoping it would grow on me like some of my favorite dense or complex records, I realized what was left of my Jay-Z fandom was deader than Superman after Doomsday came and bodied half of Metropolis. Naturally, casual rap fans, desperate Jay stans, and the hordes of shallow faux-80's, glamor-fapping, vapid, party-obsessed Myspace trendwhores that make up most of the 12-22 year-olds in this country thought it was great. And, that was probably who the record was made for in the first place, judging by how it was essentially a Beyonce record. (Had Beyonce used all of the tracks for herself, it might've been hot). Unsurprisingly, it sold very well. (Oh, and interesting fact, Jay, despite his hugeness, never rarely sells past double platinum. Now, that's a lot of records, especially, now, but keep in mind, this is the supposed best rapper alive. DMX's first two records could, financially, body Jay's catalog.)

Getting my grouchy old man on, I had a list of qualms with that album. Or, more realistically, a list of long simmering beefs with Jay as a rapper that, lucky me, now that he came out the gate stumbling, I could spew at his stans. First of all, the guy has been trying to force the concept of him being a grown man (which is redundant, since he's two years younger than Rakim and was 26 when his first record came out, LOLZ) on people for 5 years, which is one of those things that should be shown and not said or, more simply put, if you really were that, you wouldn't have to constantly remind people or announce it. It's an adage of late that developed in reaction to the hordes of impressionable/clone-like black kids who, in their ripe teenage years, kept repeating that they were "Getting their grown man on". Now, usually, they weren't. I don't recall any time where wearing a blazer with your Nike's made you an adult. It makes you a fucktard. So for this, I curse him.

Second, and one of which that plagued me ever since I filled in the blanks last year and downloaded the few Jay records I had never heard, I discovered that for the most part, he wasn't that great of a lyricist. He's a definite B- who can sure destroy any track that's obviously going to be a single, but otherwise, has the same problem as Lupe Fiasco where he confuses a lack of clarity or ability to be concise and not convoluted. Hearing all of the albums that are in my CD collection or the few albums I like but not enough to purchase put that into perspective. There's a quote from a great Stylus piece I had linked to before that summed it up:

Jay-Z isn’t as clever as he thinks he is:
Jay-Z was the main instigator of the “I have just said something clever” pause in rap. For a while, “Kill at will, solid water, ice cube” was the worst rap lyric ever. J seems to believe that the punning wit inherent in this line was so great that it required a slight breather whilst the listening public revelled in the genius of his, quite frankly, sub-Richard Whitely wordplay. Of course, Jay-Z has now retired and the baton has been passed in so many ways to Kanye West. If anyone out there can listen to, say, “Trying to be a millionaire I used two lifelines”, or the low-point of 800 years of the English language: “Story on MTV/ But I ain’t trying to make a band”, and the ensuing raised eyebrows that follows them, without wanting to kill, indeed, at will, please tell me how.

Jay maintains a lot of people miss his more complex lyrics and that's why he "dumbed down" (More on that in a second). But truth be told, the best rappers can be lyrical AND memorable just like any writer. But he believes his own hype, as does the world, or at least those that don't follow the other B.R.A.*, Lil' Wayne. The number of lyrical fumbles, as mentioned in that feature, that I've sat through did nothing but to erode at all the self-aggrandizing Jay does.

*BEST RAPPER ALIVE (Please save the Baby!)

So did his feeble attempts at putting on BAPE hoodies and acting the way he thinks Chris Brown fans would think is cool during his 106&Park performance (one of two times I've watched that show in 5 years...other time was the Kanye/50 appearance) made him just look sad. He would later dispel logical assertions that Kingdom Come was a 4th quarter cash-in to make his president run at Def jam seem successful and say the album was "rushed", but let's call a spade a spade. The guy only "stopped rapping" for two years. If you're really that good, your quality level shouldn't fall off that much. And if your return was triumphant, why rush the product? An album a year is great, but not when you only spent a few weeks of that year on it.

The biggest beef I've had with the guy came from my actual excitement for that album. On The Black Album he had said “Honestly I wanna rhyme like Common Sense (but I did 5 mil)/I ain’t been rhymin’ like Common since” as well as some shit about dumbing down to double his dollars. At the time, I was like "Wow, I didn't know that", then "If he comes back, maybe he'll actually be better and more like Mos Def or any other more concise, more lyrical MC? Or at the very least get some balls and do more than briefly mention something political and wax a whole song about it!"* 17 year-olds have a lot of hope.

*Paraphrased a bit

I even thought that it'd be cool if he restarted his career, comic book style, with a new name and attitude, and just went by Sean Carter or something. And then there could be a Sean C/Sean P duet album! Nah, B. He was exactly the same, but worse, and it became clear that he was brilliant at marketing. He was good enough of a rapper that he could make all these fictitious claims that he's a whole lot better than he actually is, sort of like "The Big Lie". Good businessman, sure. Great MC, yes. But, like Lil' Wayne, his spotlight is due to diminishing returns. Biggie was dead and DMX fell off in 2000, so Jay was all alone to bask in the success of his four albums and mythologize. Similarly, since most rap is crappy or boring of late, Lil' Wayne can get obscene amounts of attention for being great at everything except, you know, lyrics.

So after re-assessing Jay in the last two years following countless viewings of "Fade to Black", and completely losing faith in his ability to make good musical product, he announces the American Gangster album. And I sat there reading the news blurb on this very laptop, completely apathetic. When my friend Anthony was excited on the day of its release to download it and got annoyed when it became known that he pulled it off for completely pretentious and suspect reasons (Jay can't be that dumb to not know it IS possible to make tracks "Album only" and force people to buy whole albums on iTunes), I just added it to a list of fan annoyances, a la Mos Def. I don't download leaks of artists I like for weird moral reasons, but when the record leaked a week before its release, it was just that I couldn't care less. "Blue Magic" is cool-sounding, but just as ultimately anemic and forgettable as most post-N.E.R.D. Neptunes tracks. "Roc Boys" grew on me and I pirated the record, and decided to be objective and give it more attention than the other 11 gigs of stuff I've recently downloaded and listened to it exclusively.

Overall? It's good. It's not great, it's a failure as a "concept record", but it's not bad by any means. It's overproduced, too light sonically, and still has some disposable tracks and awful lines ("I'm more Frank Lucas than Ludacris/And Luda's my dude, no offense") But to nerd it up, a track by track breakdown-

"Intro"- Some quotable lines toward the end about swagger being immaterial and a front, but kind of crappy. Badly cast voices.

"Pray"- Beyonce just reminds me of Storm from the X-Men on this for some reason. The rhymes are really on point, but, like most of the production, comes across way too clear (in a bell sense, like natural harmonics) and cheesy-sounding. The strings sound shitty.

"American Dreamin'"- Could take or leave it. It's rare that on a Jay-Z record, my beef is with the production, and not the rhymes. Lyrically, is again on point here

"Hello Brooklyn 2.0"- Decent. At first it stand out the most and seems sort of cool and weird, but eventually it becomes a Lil' Wayne version of "Snoopy Track". Also, more ammo to throw at Lil' Wayne dickriders on the internet, streets, and Pitchfork Media: He completely gets bodied on a huge major label album again. Getting shat on lyrically by 2007-era Kanye West is bad enough, but it was kind of important for him not to eat it on this song. Oh well, time to release another mixtape and get a 9.8 rating.

"No Hook"- Lame. And also, Murphy Lee did this song a lot better back in 2004 with "What the Hook Gon' Be?". Jay fails at being clever (as usual) by turning the absence of a hook...INTO A HOOK! OMFG. Issue is, Jay hasn't made a decent hook since 2003. LOL.

"Roc Boys (And The Winner Is..."- Awesome. Outro lingers way too long, but meh. He's indefatigable on this shit.

"Sweet"- Pretty good. Although, unfortunately, suffers from the same fate as a lot of tracks here, where everything sounds like the opening track of a record. Intro songs are usually great for that purpose, introducing the record or concept or establishing the feel or making some sort of explosion to be followed up, but usually not that great by themselves most of the songs here feel like that. Good mid-album track, though.

"I Know"- Jay, like Common and a bunch of other MC's who rap about crack or New Age bullshit, suck at talking about sex. I can't help but shudder in revulsion when he whisper raps "I'm your addiction!" It always either comes across gross or falls flat. Ghostface and Mos Def are some of a few exceptions. Plus, this would've made a better Kanye record. Note to Jay-Z: Avoid the Neptunes. They haven't done anything good for you since 2002. And Pharell is a douche bag of Fiascogate proportions.

"Party Life"- A lot of rappers would sound better on this track than Jay, but I like it for two reasons. The beat is great, and I take weird pleasure in hearing Jay rap like Juicy J. Seriously, EXACTLY LIKE JUICY J. Awesome. The south wins.

"Ignorant Shit"- Disgusting. Ridiculous. One of two tracks on this album that I'd add to my 70 or 80 song-long "Jay-Z's greatest hits" iTunes playlist. This is the "smart, complex" Jay-Z he alleges he dumbs himself down from. Personally, Jay's best moments are when he displays that he does actually have sharp wit and a vicious side. Problem is, he rarely uses it. Only flaw is the incredibly awkward third verse tagged on. Oh, and Beans bodies Jay in like 8 lines, Wu-Tang style. "Tell a trick get these nuts/Eat dick like food". COME ON. Sigel wins. And what's with Jay's weird enunciation of "I miss the days when it wasn't about Imus"? And way to stray from your album's concept.

"Say Hello"- A great beat ruined by a wack hook and extraneous studio adlibs. Seriously. What do I have to do to get a Berry Gordy-esque quality control job for major label rappers? I know what I'm talking about, B. Hire me, I'll steer you towards a classic album. Yentas.

"Success"- AKA "Black Republican II" AKA "Dead Presidents IV (Live)". Classic all the way through. The most ridiculous brag-rap track I've heard in a long time. "Google Earth Nas/I got flats in other continents". Nas wins. Plus, his voice sounds great on the track. Here's hoping Nas can learn to pick beats before he gets as old as Jay is.

"Fallin'"- I feel like a lot of people will put this on mixtapes and rap over it. I'm for that. It's a good track. The hook is solid, and the beat is great, no qualms.

"Blue Magic"- More interesting than good. But still, really fucking cool track. I gave the Neptunes a lot of credit for stating in 2003 or so that they were going to make their productions a lot weirder and eschew standard song format. And they did. The Nelly and Snoop tracks they had released as singles were fucking odd, though the former was pretty shitty. Putting this as a bonus track and not an immediate part of his failed concept was a great move, because it doesn't fit at all. And Pharell's falsetto on the hook is pretty dead-on, rather than embarrassing, for a change.

"American Gangster"- Crazy beat, really busy in that Just Blaze way. (Just Blaze:Rap beats::Cryptopsy:Death metal).

For once, I agree with Tom Breihan about something. He gave the record its solid 8.6 Pitchfork rating, which is astute. It's a really good record in a year of shit, but I still put it behind Underground Kingz and Graduation in terms of the year's hip-hop releases. And 8.6 is basically a B, which is what the album is. I'm happy that Jay is returning to form, but it still falls too short for me to be interested in buying the album or overlooking my beefs with the records first half.

Then again, what other 38-year-olds can get their shit together and make heyday quality albums like this*?

*Answer? Jonathan Richman, who is pushing 60.

Jay wins.

Chris has, including American Gangster, 6 hours (or 91 songs) worth of Jay-Z on his iTunes. Srsly.

Somone Had to Say It

Also, they stole that album name from Mr. Bungle
Via SuicideGirls NewsWire:

I'm sure most of you are familiar with Showtime's hit series "Californication," whether it's from SG's own involvement with the show and character DaniCA, or recent interview with series creator, Tom Kapinos.

Today it was announced that the Red Hot Chili Peppers are now suing the show for "unfair competition, dilution of the value of the name and unjust enrichment," claiming the title of the show was stolen from the band's 1999 album, of the same name.

Sounds like a pretty open and shut case. I'm fairly certain the word "Californication" preceded the band's album. But, if it didn't... if the show actually "stole" this word... this word that's been around for decades... and they can somehow destroy all memory of the word, prior to their album... then I guess they should win their case.

Oh, except for this crucial piece of evidence. The Red Hot Chili Peppers fucking suck. How about that part?

Can that be entered into a case? Maybe one of the lawyers on this site can enlighten me. How does the fact that they fucking suck, and always have sucked, affect their case here? Surely, years and years of sucking limits your ability to take legal action, in certain situations.

Yeah. No, thanks Chili Peppers -- we don't need to hear from you on this matter. I'm not 13 anymore. (Actual 13-year-olds think you're lame and creepy, and old.) You can go away now, fade into the distance, putting increasingly longer socks over yer increasingly elongated old man balls, before vanishing entirely. (That was ALWAYS funny by the way. Putting a sock over your dick. So alternative!)

I'm not 13, and have no need of your bullshit, faux-ternative garbage.

I don't hate my parents and I'm not looking to establish myself on the burgeoning Vernon, NJ skater/alterna-scene.

I'm not an attention starved snowboarder with a bad haircut inclined to "act crazy" whenever anyone's looking.

I'm not a filthy, drum-circle loving hippie.

I don't own a pair of devil sticks, nor do I ever feel the need to put on a large, felt, jester's hat.

I'm not wearing a dirty white dress, with my head down, dancing in a quasi-trancelike state while rhythmically tapping my stomach and side.

I don't hate my ears and wish to punish them by cramming yer fucking old-man racket into them.

It's not 1991.

You served your purpose, I laughed at the kids who embraced you the year after they loved reggae and the year before they got into metal.

Jocks who jumped on the alterna-wagon sure seemed to love you, too, I remember that much. Your fake hippie punk sure did help them relate better to losing the big game and then shaving lines into the sides of their heads.

You managed to get worse the older I got, and you don't fool too many people these days. You make music for kids... kids who no longer exist.

Sure, I bet there's a 38-year-old on this site who still enjoys putting on his copy of Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magik, right before he dons his martini-glass covered bowling shirt and says something like, "Vegas, Baby!" But, obviously, he doesn't count.

Maybe the show stole the title. Big deal. You force me to change the radio station at least once a day, every day. I'm all grown up now, and you can't fool people anymore.

If that judge is anything short of tone-deaf you'll be found guilty of sucking in the first degree. Sadly, the sentence for that is probably a Grammy.

To be fair, they do have some good songs. I vouch for half of Californication and half of BloodSugarSexMagik. But still, spot-fucking-on.

This Rap Is Like Ziti

First of all, I'd like to thank my (wireless) connect, and being able to still use the task manager to start programs. I might have to throw down some cash for this bullshit this week, so I can't stress enough: ALWAYS DO SYSTEM RESTORE.
Anyway, I'd be remiss if I waited too long to document the Hip Hop Lives show from Friday, and lose what details I still remember.

My man Christian's birthday was Sunday, and for part of my staggered gift process we went to the Ghostface/Rakim/Brother Ali show I have been waiting for ever since I missed Ghostface's Spank Rock and Brooklyn Hip-Hop Festival performances. This was notable for being only the second time I felt at one with a crowd at any show, last one being the Roots/Lupe Fiascogate show last spring. I was taken aback by the number of Wu stans (again, mostly white males, who I appreciate for keeping Wu standom alive) on line, as well as this being the most number of late 20's hood cats I've ever seen at any show (since I don't go to those wack BB King's/Knitting Factory rap shows).

Seriously. The blunts were sparked about 4 mins into people being inside of Nokia. Theere was an odd sprinkle of teenage hipster, but it was an even divide between white hip-hop fans that were definitely at Rock the Bells, and 90's cats that, by some stroke of luck, kept up with Ghostface even as he became a critical darling and the fourth post of the hipster bed of rappers (with Clipse, Cam'Ron, and Lil' Wayne). After some wait and an awesome heavily-latin mini-set by the Rhythm Roots All Stars, Brother Ali came on. I hate Rhymesayers and Def Jux, and I don't listen to boring music or current NY rap, so I didn't know any of the guy's catalog. I did know he was on Rhymesayers and that he was an albino, and I predicted he'd have to be, logically, pretty good to overcome that, since fact is, having any sort of physical malady or trait that makes you not "look normal" is a hindrance in the arts.

And he was. If there was any doubt of tonight's theme, it was that it was going to be the real of the classic MC as defined by the Golden Era rubric. No Saigon/Jim Jones/Ringtone Rap bullshit. Pure crowd control and A LOT of onstage reverence for the icons of the canon, including those on the tour themselves during Ali's set. The guy definitely has presence and rhyming ability and even has some really neat (yes, neat) songs about being yourself and his son and sneaks in references to his albinism. He did lose the crowd from time to time with three songs that seemed to have the same happy-go-lucky faux-70's pop beat styles (as interpreted by the band, who were TIGHT), but he got them back whenever he freestyled his written raps (lolz) and invoked his touring partners as legends. And surprisingly, he had fans in the audience that knew every word. But still, fuck Atmosphere.

Ghost was second, which worked out because C needed to rest his back and legs from standing and we could do that during Rakim's set. I went apeshit. I went retarded. I recited every lyric except the shit from Supreme Clientele, which, except for parts of tracks and most of "Nutmeg" (which he didn't play despite me and this guy screaming for it) I couldn't memorize for the life of me ever. Which was also a problem during the set. The show was amazing and the band's renditions of shit like "Apollo Kids" and "The Champ" were incredible, but Ghost seemed to forget that despite everyone being Wu stans and loving his body of work, his lyrics aren't exactly the catchiest. Dude is complex, so I have to defend the crowd when he eventually got noticeably vexed that his first four songs didn't have the same singalong effect as when he did some Wu acapella's to test the crowd and make us prove ourselves (He did "Shimmy Shimmy Ya", "Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nothing Ta Fuck Wit", "CREAM", and Deck's "Triumph" verse, which I can proudly say I destroyed, yelling like an asshole in the crowd from stage left). Which worked great, except, just like I do personally, the crowd hilariously forgot the second half of Deck's verse, since it sort of loses momentum halfway through (or maybe because the beat changes). But Starks did his "Ice Cream" verse, "Criminology", "Fish", "Back Like That", "Holla", two shitty Theodore Unit tracks, one shitty Bulletproof Wallets track, "Cherchez La Ghost", "Be Easy", "Daytona 500", "Run", and maybe some other tracks I forgot.

I was still disappointed, just because Ghost has, bar none, the best catalog of any rapper, and one of the best catalogs ever (only one wack album. COME ON), so he could do two hours and I'd be stoked. I wanted to hear every fucking song, especially interpreted by the impeccable Rhythm Roots All Stars, but nah, he seemed pissed and ended with "Run" and left. I recall him getting vexed and saying that being his hometown, we shouldn't bullshit and play the wall and we should be more hype than Utah, and what we give him is what he gives back. This is what led to the Wu verse sing-along test, and I don't think he left satisfied with the crowd participation or reaction, despite still getting a lot more out of a NY crowd than most performers (what can I say? We suck.), and he gave a stern-ass warning to give more to Rakim, which I don't think happened.

I was more curious than interested in seeing Rakim perform. I like a lot of Rakim/Eric B. tracks, but none of their albums as a whole, although few pre-90's rap albums are that solid, anyway, save for the first three Boogie Down Productions albums. I was also, on principle, pissed to see 25-35 people at least leave after Ghost was done. Where I come from, if you pay more than $12 for a ticket, fucking stay, or you don't deserve to have the income you so flippantly throw away. Anyway, me and C rested our weary legs and backs (we're out of shape) for a while, and wished for free non-fountain water. After watching Rakim do a few tracks on the big screen downstairs, I wanted to catch the rest of the set, which was fucking awesome. Those tracks hit even harder live, and though the mic system robs all of the MC's of their personal vocal nuances and only enhanced the fact that Rakim has lost most of his measured smoothness and adopted this strong grimy accent of late, I delighted in hearing classic track after classic track. Rakim made a fatal error, though. He ended with, I think, "Microphone Fiend", and had prefaced it by saying it was the last track. Then, as everyone was rushing out, he went into more songs. I felt bad for the guy, but that was a dumb move on his part. It was maybe half an hour to one and everyone there was probably planning on going to the club or something afterwards. Still, like when I saw Slayer's boring ass three years ago, it was good to cross Rakim off the "need-to-see" list.

Strangely enough, I regret not seeing Ghost the other two times this year even more now. I would see that dude 50 times if I could. HITS FOR DAYS, B.

Some notes:

-Ghost did a tribute to those who died, discussing that his brother died last year on ODB's birthday and that ODB's birthday had just passed, all while playing "I Ain't Mad At Cha". He said it was Pac's best joint (I actually think "I Get Around", "Hit 'Em Up", "2 of Amerika's Most Wanted" and "Dear Mama" are better, but, meh) and paid tribute to him and Biggie. So, being me, when he big-upped Pac, I yelled as loud as I could, "FUCK THAT NIGGA!!!". C thought it was funny.

-I like Cappadonna, despite the fact that he sucks. More for his interesting stage presence and wacky moves and his affinity with Ghost. But the dude's "darts" are pretty dull. I could've done without three "freestyles".

-LOL @ Shawn Wigz getting sonned all night. First, his mic got taken away so Cappadonna could do some songs, which left him bouncing and looking dumb on stage (he's always offbeat, BTW). Then, when he got it back during "Ice Cream", he seemed to forget to not say the "nigga" part of "...watch these rap niggas get all up in your guts". So, he would intermittently slip-up and say it, make a face of realization, not move his mouth when it was time to say "nigga", then continue to fuck-up and say "nigga". Sad, considering the Wigz in Shawn Wigz probably stands for "Wigger" and he might've been named so by Ghost. Dude is really goofy, but then, so is all of Theodore Unit. Then again, Theodore Unit>Ice Water. Not saying a lot, but still.

-Ghost is intimidating when he's pissed.

-I would've loved to have seen Sun God out there with his dad or at least Ghost and Rakim do a duet, but nah, no avail.

-I agree that Rakim is legendary and changed the course of hip-hop, but maybe people would hold him higher in their rankings of the best rappers or not walk out one song too early during his set if he could get his shit together and make a good album. or any album, at all.

-The theme was really pounded through when Ghost played some Kane beats during his set and rhymed over them. Poor Big Daddy Kane. Had he had better albums, kids would care more.

-LOL @ me wanting to congratulate Shawn Wigz when I saw him in the downstairs area after Rakim's set was closing.

Hiatus

Stress overload from college situation (housing issues, asshole teacher, lots of work), personal life and my computer caught a Kennedy Friday night and windows explorer, my desktop and the start menu were sent to the recycle bin by a virus and because I didn't think of doing system restore until yesterday night AFTER I had attempted to update to XP Pro (whose key had been used by too many people so my OS is going to expire in 29 days...ugh), I'm fucked and am probably going to have to buy a external drive and spend extra money to get this bullshit fixed.

Be back when it is.

More like "The Wes Anderson Limited", AMIRITE?

Brandon did a cool piece on "The Darjeeling Limited" a few weeks ago, so rather than enter the depths of unbiased critical analysis he took, I'm going to be a raging cunt.

...What a piece of shit. Even more disappointing because I liked "Bottle Rocket", "Rushmore", and "The Royal Tenenbaums", and the same charm to all of Anderson's movies was still prevalent here. Here's the rub: He's lost it.

A shame, the guy had a voice. He has a style both childlike and full of heavy adult themes. Ever since Rushmore, the very techniques and set designs he uses feel unreal, everything is a giant, amazing primary color diorama, almost like a pop-up book when it came to the disappointing "Life Aquatic with Steve Zizzou". The aesthetic was perfect, and that is still there in "...Darjeeling...". Beef? Useless movie. All of the irony Anderson uses, which I think Brandon discussed, falls flat. There's a strange fake feel to his films, the acting is rarely emotional in an "actor" way, and there's this constant winking in the films sometimes, like you're watching a play, really. Makes sense, considering the sets, that all of his films feel that way, grand filmed fleshed-out high school plays with great (until recently) writing.

This movie, despite it's undeniable charms and my bias towards Jason Schwartzman, seriously goes nowhere. From having Bill Murray in the film doing nothing (seeing to be there just to incite discussions of why the fuck he's there, making the film more "important") to the overuse of those goddamn slow-motion music montages of late 60's/70's rock (seriously, shit needs to stop), it's all bad. There's literally four slow-motion music scenes, a new record I think, and they were all goddamn unnecessary and killed the pacing and impeded on the experience. Also, only one of those songs was actually really good, the one repeated throughout "Hotel Chevalier", which is notable for really great asshole dialogue from Schwartzman and Natalie Portman nude minus nipples/bush.

It says something that the fault of the movie is not really going anywhere and being completely Anderson-by-numbers and predictable, rather than being awful. Christian hated all of the actual camera direction and thought the dialogue was flat, so I'll take his word on that. I've never been to a movie where I saw a hipster leave and loudly proclaim, "That sucked!" while doing the ol' "comment-under-my-breath-as-I-cough". The moment that inspired this comment, and made me suggest to Christian that we egg this twee bastards house is the Whitman brothers discarding of both their physical and emotional baggage at the end of the film.

GET IT? BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T LET GO OF THEIR DAD'S LUGGAGE, AND THE BAGGAGE OF HIS DEATH AND ESTRANGEMENT WITH THEMSELVES AND THEIR MOTHER!!! GET IT!!! SYMBOLISM!!!!

That one-two combo nullified any potential and likability or urge to ever view it again. This twee bullshit. This indie tripe. This self-fellating-Robocop 3-Sufjan Stevens cuckoldry. This dilated cervix of a gaping craw of fail.

As twee as "The Decemberists: The Movie" was, it's still somehow better than "Resident Evil 3" and "30 Days of Night". After "Transformers" and "300" made millions, I gave up. I'm watching "Walk Hard" and calling it a year.